I have been reflecting on a Japanese art form known as ‘Kintsugi’. I have been told about this on several occasions in the past year, I think, because people have seen what I am going through, and are trying to help me find strength and hope. And do you know what? It does. Kintsugi means ‘joining with gold’ or ‘golden joinery’ and refers to where broken pottery is glued back together with silver or gold or platinum, making the original piece stronger and more valuable. This art form doesn’t try to hide the breakage, the cracks, the flaws – it embraces them. It celebrates them. Indeed, the original piece is seen to be even more beautiful in its restored form. Kintsugi is a way to treat the breakages as part of the pottery’s history. The breakages tell the story.
And as I try to live my story, I realise that I am struggling. I find myself broken by life. I am exhausted by the pieces that I am holding. And the weight of them bears me down. The cracks are there, and they frighten me with their ugliness. How do I find the faith to keep trusting, keep believing, keep stepping out on the path that I believe I need to travel on, when the cracks are letting in too many tears? And as I try to write, to make sense of this, I realise that sometimes the foundation on which we build our futures are an illusion. They can shift in a moment. And I wonder if sometimes you don’t know how far you have fallen until you hit the bottom and you look up and no longer see the sky.
That surprises me as I write that. Do you know me? And if you do, are you surprised? When people look at me, they can see someone confident, successful, driven, positive. I’m not sure I recognise that person in the mirror anymore. Do you? Do I look like someone who’s foundation in life is wobbly?
But what you may also know, is that I might be wobbly, but I am also determined. I am strong in my weakness. I may be falling apart, but I will not go quietly. And I will use all my strength to work out how best to live this life. Because I want to live it with integrity. I want to explore these struggles and to come out wiser, stronger, more precious. I want people to see the scars. To see the brokenness. But also to see the strength in surviving and living with the scars. Because let’s face it. Life is tough. Life is hard in many ways. You may not be living the same life as I am living, but you will be broken at times by unexpected and expected challenges. Life can throw us curve balls. And we have a choice.
At points our stories are hard to live and hard to tell. But I think that is the point. When we embrace the cracks and the brokenness that makes us who we are, we tell a story that is real. And like the kintsugi art, I see a life now as a beautiful piece of mended pottery. We are all broken in many ways, but if we can gently pick up the pieces and ensure that the glue that mends our brokenness is made from precious metal, then how wonderful is that? Our scars, our flaws and our fragility tell our story. This is our history. And there is beauty and truth in that.
Alex Sains
5 September 2024
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