Meet Brian. He’s lived for nearly 52 years not really feeling right in his own skin. He always felt different. Always felt at odds with the world. Never finding an answer in anything he tried – from the drugs to the gambling to the alcohol. Easy short-term fixes maybe but nothing to ease the daily questions and inner conflicts. Easier to try to fit in. To push it down and place a smile over it. Easier to focus on the other person. What did they want? How did they feel? How lovely for everyone else. What a kind, thoughtful person Brian was. But no one saw the fallout. No one saw the pain, the anger, the exhaustion at the core of his very being. The desire to stop the world and get off. The only way to solve the problem was to end the problem, once and for all.
Meet Bob. He looks a lot like Brian, but he is not Brian. Bob started life at 51 years and 10 months. He was always there but never born. Never named. His life started with a few words, a few letters, an acronym or two, a few minutes with someone who saw him for who he really was. Bob knows he’s not like a lot of other people but that’s OK. He can make sense of things now by using different glasses to see the world through. He can more easily say what he needs and what he really doesn’t want to do anymore. It’s easier to not try to please others all the time. He doesn’t need to fit in. He is loved. Just like Brian was. But now he is learning slowly to love himself for the first time ever.
Of course, people will confuse Brian and Bob. Is Brian also Bob? Is Bob also Brian? Does it matter? It matters to Brian and Bob. They are the same but different. They are one but also two. They represent the fake and the true. The past and the future. And the Bob inside Brian is allowing the Brian to live.
Others may wonder if Bob is just going through a bad phase and one day Brian will come back to them. The Brian that turned up at social events because that is what was expected of him. The Brian that made others feel better. The Brian that wanted to end his life one day in the garage. People will forget. They will make mistakes. And sometimes that’s OK. Bob will help them to adjust and those who love Brian will help him to adjust too. All in good time. Bob (and Brian) are here to stay.
23 January 2024
how was Brian feeling but reading this from Torsie leader