I love you so I stay

I love you so I stay.

Even when you disappear, you disengage, detach yourself. I stay.

Even when you shut me out, shut me down, shut the door.

I stay.

I love you so I pray.

Even though you crush me, you wound me, worry me. I pray.

Even though you don’t see me, feel me, love me.

I pray.

I love you but I’m afraid

Afraid of the fallout, afraid of the cost, afraid of the loss. Afraid.

The me you find is fading, my heart is hurting, slowly breaking.

I’m afraid.

But I love you so I pray.

As my legs feel heavy, my feet are tired, as I walk the path of peace. And pray.

As I pick myself up, push myself down, and stumble through another day.

I pray.

And I love you so I stay.

Because I know you’re there, you’ll climb back up, you’ll see the sky. One day.

Because I know you’ll come back, you’ll open your eyes, and see me there.

I’ve stayed.

I love you

So I stay.

18/10/2023 Written at a rather bleak time of the year for me.

A little note from Alex...

For exactly one year and one day we have lived with a real presence of mental illness in our home. Every day I thank God for the support we receive through the NHS. For the drugs that keep Brian stable. For the love and support of family and friends. Mental illness is a challenge at best and a killer at worst. Not only for the person who is living in it, but for those living around it. So I thank God for giving me the strength to stay the course, to stay the year. He goes before us and is with us. Amen. 24/06/24